


oh no sweetie what is you doing

by ThirteenthMouse6572



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Crack, Implied Sexual Content, Kinda, Multi, OT12 - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-03-04 06:11:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13358184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThirteenthMouse6572/pseuds/ThirteenthMouse6572
Summary: junmyeon makes a group chat with exo.it goes about as well as you’d expect.





	1. new year, new chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the sake of the story, sehun can read chinese. not sure what luhan, kris and tao are doing with their lives at the moment but just kinda roll with whatever happens.
> 
> [usernames]  
> minseok: minsock  
> luhan: blow it like flu~  
> kris: canada man  
> junmyeon: mother  
> yixing: ^.^  
> baekhyun: baekkie  
> jongdae: jonggay  
> chanyeol: tall boye  
> kyungsoo: do kyungsoo  
> tao: gucci  
> jongin: dog enthusiast  
> sehun: baby
> 
> < italics is chinese >

**mother added minsock, blow it like flu~, canada man, ^.^, baekkie, jonggay, tall boye, Do Kyungsoo, gucci, dog enthusiast and baby to the group chat**

**Do Kyungsoo has left the group chat**

**mother:** oh okay bye

**gucci:** doesn’t even care

**tall boye has added Do Kyungsoo to the group chat**

**Do Kyungsoo:** I’m stuck here, aren’t I?

**baekkie:** y e o

**jonggay:** yeo

**tall boye:** yeo

**gucci:** yeo

**baekkie has left the group chat**

**jonggay has added baekkie to the group chat**

**baekkie:** i hate it

**^.^:** aww~ poor baekkie

**gucci:** oh no not again

**^.^:** what?

**gucci:** you were too cute in the other chat you can’t do it here

**tall boye:** yeah so why do we even have another chat anyway????????

**mother:** because it’s a new year!!

**jonggay:** it’s almost two weeks into 2018 though ??? ??

**mother:** yeah

**mother:** s o m e o n e changed their phone number and didn’t tell me

**gucci:** who??

**mother:** 3

**mother:** 2

**mother:** 1

**canada man:** OKAY IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

**baekkie:** what

**gucci:** how did he

**^.^:** hey kris ~~~

**canada man:** hey xing :D

**mother:** kris you have to explain yourself

**blow it like flu~:** yeah how do you accidentally change your number and not tell your husband???????

**canada man:** okay i have so many questions regarding your username luhan

**blow it like flu~:** i know you’ve listened to it buddy

**blow it like flu~:** actually you listen to it like at least once a day

**jonggay:** O H

**baekkie:** E X P O S E D

**blow it like flu~ has changed the chat name to ‘#exposefest2018’**

**canada man has left #exposefest2018**

**mother has added canada man to #exposefest2018**

**canada man:** why would you make me suffer

**canada man:** i thought you loved me junnie

**gucci:** JUNNIE

**mother:** If Anyone Says Junnie Ever Again I Will Kill You

**baekkie:** when did you start making jaden smith tweets

**mother has removed baekkie from #exposefest2018**

**jonggay has added baekkie to #exposefest2018**

**baekkie:** thanks bro  <3

**jonggay:** no problem bro  <3

**minsock:** wait is this an expose fest

**gucci:** no it’s just called that

**gucci:** yes it is

**minsock:** cool

**minsock:** @blow it like flu~ is such a whiny bitch during sex

**blow it like flu~ has left #exposefest2018**

**baby:** I COME IN AND THATS THE FIRST THING I SEE

**baekkie:** sehun you’re not innocent

**baby:** u mm m m m mm ??????

**baby:** yes i am hyung why would you say that

**gucci:** _are you sure about that_ sehun

**gucci:**   _i know everything_

**baby:** hey tao how about you shut up

**baekkie:** yo can someone translate

**gucci:** _i know you have a crush on jongin_

**dog enthusiast:** wait what

**baby:** what

**dog enthusiast:** why does it say my name

**baby:** ...

**baby:** no reason

**baekkie:** HELLO. TRANSLATE. THANK.

**sehun:** yixing hyung is too sweet to expose me and kris hyung died

**canada man:** sehun has a crush

**baekkie:** oh we done knew

**jonggay:** yeah it isn’t a new revelation

**dog enthusiast:** what

**baby:** why would you say something like that

**dog enthusiast:** is that right 

**baby:** no kris hyung is just being an aSS

**baekkie:** @kris please confirm

**canada man:** yeah i’m just fucking with y’all

**gucci:** y’all

**minsock:** y’all

**^.^:** hey where did chanyeol and kyungsoo go??

**baekkie:** chansoo

**jonggay:** chansoo

**dog enthusiast:** chansoo

**^.^:** what’s that

**baby:** an angel. 2 pure 2 sweet for this world

**canada man:** hey can someone add luhan back he’s spamming me with messages

**minsock:** can’t you

**canada man:** he’s your boyfriend

**minsock:** ughhhh

**minsock added blow it like flu~ to #exposefest2018**

**blow it like flu~:** hyung i thought you loved me

**minsock:** unfortunately

**blow it like flu~:** _wow what an ass_

**canada man:**   _i will not hesitate to translate that for everyone_

**baby:** minseok hyung~

**blow it like flu~:** _sehun if you say one more thing i will actually kill you_

**minsock:** yes sehunnie?

**blow it like flu~:** _sehun_

**baby:** can we go out for ice cream later

**gucci:** lmao lu hyung was so worried

**minsock:** what did he say

**blow it like flu~:** tao my threat extends to you as well

**gucci:** luhan we haven’t seen each other in like a month you don’t even know where i live

**gucci:** anyway minseok hyung he called you an ass

**blow it like flu~:** give me about 10 minutes

**gucci:** what

**blow it like flu~:** see you soon tao~

**gucci:** oh shit

**mother:** rip tao

**gucci:** you aren’t even going to help me?

**canada man:** you cannot be helped

**tall boye:** hey guys what did i miss

**Do Kyungsoo:** Why is Tao dying?

**baekkie:** chansoo?

**jonggay:** chansoo.

**tall boye:** what

**baby:** yes

**Do Kyungsoo:** What is chansoo?

**baekkie:** gay as fuck

**mother:** baekhyun watch your mouth

**baekkie:** gay as frick*** sorry autocorrect

**mother:** that’s better

>.<

**exo-m**

**gucci:** HEY GUYS PLEASE HELP ME

**canada man:** did luhan find your house

**gucci:** YES AND I CAN SEE HIM GETTING OUT OF HIS CAR CAN SOMEONE TELL HIM TO STOP

**canada man:** no

**gucci:** I THOUGHT YOU L O V E D M E

**canada man:** i’m a married man

**gucci:** >:///

**blow it like flu~:** tao~ open the door~

**gucci:** A A A A  A D S SSNS  NSN SNNSD

**minsock:** luhan what are you doing

**blow it like flu~:** i found tao’s house and now i’m at his door

**minsock:** tao let lu in

**gucci:** AND DIE???????? NO THANKS

**blow it like flu~:** oh nvm door’s unlocked

**gucci:** FUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKK

**minsock:** rip tao

**canada man:** rip tao

**^.^:** _luhan what are you doing?_

**blow it like flu~:** _i’m currently sitting on tao and he’s blushing_

**gucci:** _yeah hi no he’s not_

**gucci:** _he’s actually straddling my waist please help me_

**canada man:** _hmm_

**minsock:** hi what’s going on

**canada man:** nothing hyung don’t worry

**canada man:** _luhan please update on what’s going on_

**blow it like flu~:** _zitao is so red it’s not even funny_

**blow it like flu~:** HE JUST KNEED ME IN THE DICK WHAT AN ASSHOLE

**gucci:** IM FREE

**^.^:** that was strange

**^.^:** anyway tao what’s ur address i wanna come over ^^

**gucci:** hold on xing i’m currently running down the street

**blow it like flu~:** he has the straightest face rn it looks like he’s going on a casual jog

**gucci:** how do you know what i look like

**blow it like flu~:** look up idiot

**blow it like flu~:** nevermind he ran into me

**minsock:** sometimes i wish i was in china

**canada man:** i don’t

**gucci:** wow kris hyung i though you loved us

**canada man:** no

**blow it like flu~:** :0

**gucci:** xing i just sent you my address

**^.^:** be right there :D

**gucci:** hey luhan hyung can we agree on one thing?

**blow it like flu~:** what

**gucci:** yixing hyung needs to be protected at all costs

**blow it like flu~:** yes

**^.^:** awww you two are so sweet ^_^

**^.^:** _even though you weren’t sweet like 3 minutes ago_

**^.^:** _i was totally convinced you two were going to start making out_

**gucci:** i take it back

**minsock:** what’d he say

**canada man:** you really don’t need to know

**^.^:** don’t worry hyung ~ ^^

**minsock:** alright xing

**blow it like flu~:** how does he do it

**canada man:** it’s the ^^

**gucci:** it must be

**jonggay:** what the friCk just happened

**canada man:** watch your fucking language jongdae

**jonggay:** frick you

**canada man:** grounded

**jonggay:** yOuRe NoT mY mOtHeR

**canada man:** no but junmyeon is

**canada man:** and i’m your father

**canada man:** so you’re grounded

**jonggay:** :O

**^.^:** don’t worry dae ^^ i still love you <3

**jonggay:** yixing hyung is my new dad

**^.^:** okay!

**minsock:** hey lu answer your messages

**gucci:** what are you two doing because luhan hyung is blushing

**gucci:** are you sexting each other

**minsock:** ...

**gucci:** O H M Y G O D

**jonggay:** my innocent eyes

**canada man:** yixing don’t look

**canada man:** and jongdae you and baekhyun do worse

**jonggay:** ??

**jonggay:** we aren’t even dating

**minsock:** you aren’t?

**gucci:** really??

**blow it like flu~:** i thought you were

**jonggay:** why

**canada man:** you aren’t very subtle with confessing your love

**jonggay:** i’m not in love with him though?

**gucci:** sure

**^.^:** don’t worry dae~ we won’t tell baekhyun

**jonggay:** even if i did have a crushyou might not but i do not trust anyone else in this chat

**minsock:** not even me??

**jonggay:** hyung you were literally sexting luhan hyung two minutes ago

**blow it like flu~:** what do you mean ‘were’

~~**jonggay:** SEE THIS IS WHY I DONT TELL YOU THAT I HAVE A CRUSH~~

**jonggay:** THIS IS WHY I DON’T TRUST YOU

**gucci** **:** i saw that

**canada man:** so did i

**minsock:** what did you see

**gucci:** nothing hyung don’t worry about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> there won't be an upload schedule for this, so sorry in advance for large gaps in updates


	2. mystical space dad kris wu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> exo-ls deem kris a mystical space dad and exo-m love yixing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, i had to remove the images so now they're just links
> 
> if anyone knows how to insert images without ao3 breaking, please tell me :)

**#exposefest2018**

**tall boye:** alright i’m about to say something and nobody can question the first half of it

**jonggay:** i’m already questioning it

**tall boye:** shut up jonggay

**tall boye:** anyway

**tall boye:** i’m in a discord chat with like A Lot of exo-ls and we have officially named kris hyung ‘mystical space dad kris wu’

**canada man:** ...

**canada man:** i approve

**canada man has changed their nickname to ‘mystical space dad kris wu’**

**baekkie:** hello i’m questioning

**baekkie:** 1: why are you in a discord chat with exo-ls

**baekkie:** 2: how are you in a discord chat

**baekkie:** and 3: how did you name kris hyung as mystical space dad

**tall boye:** uhhh yep

**tall boye:** anyway someone was gushing over how good kris hyung looked in a suit which i 100% agree with by the way and then everything went crazy and we ended up naming him mystical space dad

**minsock:** chanyeol do they know it's you?

**tall boye:** no

**tall boye:** my nickname is '#1 chanyeol stan' though

**mystical space dad kris wu:** you know i'm not entirely surprised

**tall boye:** wait is that an insult

**mystical space dad kris wu:** maybe

**jonggay:** wait if kris hyung is mystical space dad

**jonggay:** does that mean

**mother has changed their nickname to ‘mystical space mum kim junmyeon’**

**jonggay:** where did you come from

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** nowhere

**mystical space dad kris wu:** that’s too long

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** shut

**baekkie:** chanyeol you still haven’t answered my questions

**tall boye:** too bad

**Do Kyungsoo:** Hey everyone, I’m going to get bubble tea with Sehun does anybody want any?

**tall boye:** when are you nice

**Do Kyungsoo:** Anybody that isn’t Chanyeol?

**tall boye:** oi

**baekhyun:** jongdae and i thank

**mystical space dad kris wu:** can you ship some over here

**Do Kyungsoo:** Unfortunately, no.

**mystical space dad kris wu:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**mystical space dad kris wu:** i’ll buy my own

**Do Kyungsoo:** Have fun.

**Do Kyungsoo:** Anyone else?

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** me please !!

**baby:** hyung~ hurry up!!

**Do Kyungsoo:** Coming :)

**baekkie:** dead™

**jonggay:** it seems we have discovered how to make satansoo smile

**jonggay:** sehun

**tall boye:** satansoo

**tall boye has changed Do Kyungsoo’s nickname to ‘satansoo’**

**satansoo:** Chanyeol once I get out of this car, you’re dead.

**tall boye:** #noragrets

**mystical space dad kris wu:** #norugrats

**jonggay:[[image]](https://www.flickr.com/photos/162186459@N03/39007410594/in/dateposted-public/)**

**minsock:** kris i’m going to find a way to canada and actually kill you

**mystical space dad kris wu:** #norugrats

**baekkie:[[image]](https://www.flickr.com/photos/162186459@N03/39007409844/in/dateposted-public/)**

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** kris, honey, i usually love you

**mystical space dad kris wu:** usually????

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** but i’m getting a divorce if you ever say that again

**mystical space dad kris wu:** i was going to write that i didn’t say it because this isn’t a verbal conversation but i actually did say it out loud as i typed it and i have no shame in admitting i laughed for a solid 30 seconds

**satansoo has left the chat**

**jonggay:** aside from kris hyung being cancelled

**jonggay:** JUNMYEON CALLED HIM HONEY AND I’M SO SOFT

**baekkie:** AAAAAAA

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** not if he says #norugrats again

**mystical space dad kris wu:** would it help if i send you something ;)

**jonggay:** aaaaaand mood ruined

**baekkie added satansoo to #exposefest2018**

**baekkie renamed the chat to ‘no nsfw stuff please there are children and by children i mean m’**

**baekkie:** shit

**baekkie:** there wasn’t enough room

**jonggay renamed the chat to ‘C H I L D R E N P R E S E N T’**

**baekkie:** thanks bro  <3

**jonggay:** no problem bro <3

**satansoo:** Get a room.

**minsock:** say that to mystical space parents

**jonggay:** says you

**minsock:** don’t start jongdae

**baekkie:** wait what happened

**jonggay:** **[[image]](https://www.flickr.com/photos/162186459@N03/24847332847/in/dateposted-public/) **

**jonggay:** the exo-m chat @ luhan and minseok hyung

**tall boye:** what they do

**mystical space dad kris wu:** *flashbacks*

**gucci:** EXCUSE ME I HAD TO WITNESS THAT FIRST HAND

**blow it like flu~:** tao i’m sitting next to you shut up before i throttle you

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** wait what happened and where did you two come from

**baekkie:** yeah i’m so confused

**baekkie:** yixing hyung i can see you reading these please help

**^.^:** that isn’t something everyone should know about

**^.^:** don’t remind me

**gucci:** OI COMFORT ME LUHAN HYUNG IS SITTING NEXT TO ME AND I CAN SEE HIM TEXTING MINSEOK HYUNG I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE

**mystical space dad kris wu:** hyung if you don’t go to china and see luhan i’m flying to korea and won’t hesitate to bring your phone back with me

**minsock:** what would that do

**baekkie:** please what is happening

**tall boye:** children are confused

**gucci:** I WISH I WAS CONFUSED

**gucci:** NOPE I LOOKED OVER AND JUST SAW THE WORD WHIP IM OUT IM LEAVING

**blow it like flu~:** this is your house?? where are you going???

**gucci:** KEEP IT

**gucci:** ALSO YIXING HYUNG WHERE U LIVE

**^.^:** i’ll message you

**gucci:** THANK

**gucci:** TAO OUT

**blow it like flu~:** hey minseok~

**minsock:** yes darling?

**jonggay:** i can’t be soft over that because it might be some kinky shit

**blow it like flu~:** tao’s bed is really comfortable

**gucci:** G E T T H E F U C K O U T

**blow it like flu~:** you said keep it so it’s my bed now

**gucci:** NO

**baekkie:** can someone please explain what is happening

**mystical space dad kris wu:** it’s between minseok and luhan hyung

**baekkie:** oh

**baekkie:** oh god

**tall boye:** ??????? still confused ????????

**minsock:** jesus christ you’re dumb

**satansoo:** From what I’m gathering I already know and I don’t want to know.

**satansoo:[[image]](https://www.flickr.com/photos/162186459@N03/24847333367/in/dateposted-public/)**

**baekkie:** g a S P

**gucci:** please give me some

**baekkie:** kyungsoo ??? using memes?????

**jonggay:** are we in a parallel universe??

**satansoo:** Oh you have no idea. I have a lot of photos.

**jonggay:** send me alllllllll of them

**satansoo:** Later.

**tall boye:** hey guys

**tall boye:** i may or may not have just downloaded xxx: return of xander cage

**mystical space dad kris wu:** delete it

**tall boye:** who wants to watch it with me

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** i’ve already watched it but me!!

**satansoo:** Wait until Sehun and I get back.

**jonggay:** IM GETTING POPCORN

**mystical space dad kris wu:** i hate you all

**gucci:** oh you have no idea the roller coaster of emotions luhan hyung and i went through when we watched that

**mystical space dad kris wu:** ?????

**blow it like flu~:** on one hand: your characters name is nicks and the other guy is called tennyson torch

**gucci:** on the other hand: you look so good?? like oh my god a look™

**gucci:[[image]](https://www.flickr.com/photos/162186459@N03/24847338717/in/dateposted-public/)**

**gucci:** like??? kris hyung i love you

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** same

**gucci:** also we didn’t call your character by his name it was just kris

**mystical space dad kris wu:** i hate you both

**blow it like flu~:** love you too kris  <33

**jonggay:**  why are there korean subtitles?

**gucci:**  no reason we totally didn't illegally download it and couldn't remove them

**blow it like flu~:**  nah who does that??

**baby:** we are back!!!

**tall boye:** oh nice

**mystical space dad kris wu:** oh no

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** don’t worry love!! you look adorable in it!!

**mystical space dad kris wu:[[image]](https://www.flickr.com/photos/162186459@N03/25844765648/in/dateposted-public/)**

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** <33

**baekkie:[[image]](https://www.flickr.com/photos/162186459@N03/24847333207/in/dateposted-public/)**

**mystical space dad kris wu** **:** mood ruined

**jonggay:** i’m not sure what you’re talking about

**jonggay:** that fits the mood perfectly

**satansoo:** Watch the movie before I strangle you

**>. <**

**tall boye:** so the movie is finished and i have so many dumb photos of kris hyung and some good ones

**mystical space dad kris wu:** no

**tall boye:** don’t worry they’re my reaction images now

**mystical space dad kris wu:** disowned

**tall boye:** ö

**mystical space dad kris wu:** get out

**tall boye:** will you love me if i send you adorable pictures of junmyeon who is currently asleep sandwiched between kyungsoo and jongin

**mystical space dad kris wu:** send me all of them and i’ll love you forever

**>. <**

**exo-m**

**gucci:** has anyone ever actually been to yixing hyung’s house recently

**mystical space dad kris wu** **:** no?? why?

**gucci:** he has like fifty gazillion small sheep plushies and one pig buried in the middle of them all

**gucci:** O H  M Y G OO O O O OOOD

**mystical space dad kris wu:** ??

**gucci:** HES ASLEEP BETWEEN THE GAZILLION SHEEP PLUSHIES AND HES F R ICK IN A D OR A BLE

**jonggay:** AAAAAAAAAA

**blow it like flu~:** YOU INTERUPPTED ME BUT SEND PHOTOS

**gucci:** IM NOT ASKING

**blow it like flu~:** don’t worry i was just making food

**gucci:** oh cool

**minsock:** hello yes yixing is adorable what he do

**gucci has sent 48 photos to the chat**

**mystical space dad kris wu:** wow that’s a lot of pictures

**gucci:** #NORAGRETS

**mystical space dad kris wu:** #norugrats

**jonggay has removed mystical space dad kris wu from the chat**

**jonggay:** anyway

**jonggay has changed the chat name to ‘yixing protection squad’**

**minsock:** i approve

**blow it like flu~:** me too

**gucci:** same

**^.^:** awwww (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

**^.^:** why did we remove kris?

**^.^ has added mystical space dad kris wu to yixing protection squad**

**mystical space dad kris wu:** don’t even care about the lack of honoraries bc i love you xing

**^.^:** ♡＾▽＾♡

**minsock:** i’ll have to tell junmyeon that you’re cheating on him with yixing

**mystical space dad kris wu:** i am ready messaged him and he said he agrees

**jonggay:** i would agree as well yixing deserves all the love

**^.^:** i love you guys too!! ^^

**gucci:** if anything happened to yixing i would kill everyone in this room and then myself

**blow it like flu~:** but yixing is in the theoretical room??

**gucci:** i wouldn’t kill yixing

**minsock:** you’d better not because then i’d have to kill you

**gucci:** please do

**mystical space sad kris wu:** agressive loving in the exo-m chat

**jonggay:** yes

**minsock:** is everyone in this chat entirely sure that none of us are dating aside from lu and me

**^.^:** i’d date all of you!!

**gucci:** xing you literally just muttered to yourself ‘pan and poly gotta date everyone’

**jonggay:** if that isn’t a mood i don’t know what is

**^.^:** tao~ i kinda forgot you were here

**^.^:** where are you

**gucci:** i am now raiding your fridge

**mystical space dad kris wu:** mood ruined thanks to tao raiding the fridge

**jonggay:** well done tao you dumbass

**gucci:** #norugrats

**jonggay has removed gucci from yixing protection squad**


	3. lush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kyungsoo loses the idiots

**C H I L D R E N P R E S E N T**

**satansoo:** so

**satansoo:** junmyeon hyung

**mystical space mum** kim junmyeon **:** i’m worried about the lack of punctuation

**satansoo:** you know how i was supposed to look after the idiots

**mystical space mum** kim junmyeon **:** where’d they go

**satansoo:** ...

**satansoo:** lush

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** OH NO KYUNGSOO BABY GO GET THEM

**satansoo:** I AM HOLD UP

**satansoo:** so uh i have walked into the lush

**satansoo:** baekhyun is covered in glitter

**satansoo:** it’s everywhere

**satansoo:** i can see him glittering from the door

**satansoo:** he looks like g-dragon in the bang bang bang music video

**satansoo:** CHANYEOL I CAN SEE YOU ON YOUR PHONE IF YOU WIPE GLITTER ON BAEKHYUN IM NOT TAKING YOU HOME

**tall boye:** #norugrats

**jonggay:** kris hyung look what you’ve done

**mystical space dad kris wu:** #norugrats

**dog enthusiast:** what is going on

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** where the hell were you

**dog enthusiast:** sorry i was in the shower

**mystical space dad kris wu:** for three days?

**dog enthusiast:** ...

**dog enthusiast:** yes

**mystical space mum** kim **junmyeon:** where are you now?

**dog enthusiast:** out

**tall boye:** hey kris hyung we found you at lush

**mystical space dad kris wu:** ????

**tall boye:[[image]](https://www.flickr.com/photos/162186459@N03/24904639527/in/dateposted/)**

**mystical space dad kris wu:** i want to be mad

**mystical space dad kris wu:** but it’s true

**baekhyun:** we also found something called big and jongdae just pointed at it and said with the straightest face ‘kris’

**baekhyun:** not even kris hyung

**satansoo:** alright you’ve been in here for like two hours time to go home

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon** : two hours?

**satansoo:** nevermind we’re not going home who wants to go to the pet shop and pat the puppies

**baekkie:** FUCK YEAH

**jonggay:** YES LET'S GO

**tall boye:** WOOOOO

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** i’m coming to get you

**satansoo:** it’s every man for himself after we pat the puppies

**mystical space dad kris wu:** rip you guys

**jonggay:** hey uhhh

**baekkie:** what

**jonggay:** everyone in the lush freeze where you are and look right across from the door kyungsoo is at

**tall boye:** is that who i think it is

**baekkie:** can someone take photos

**satansoo:** on it

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** who is it 

**mystical space dad kris wu:** yeah what's happening

**dog enthusiast:** umm

**jonggay:** ABORT MISSION

**baekkie:** RUN

**baby:** what are you guys doing

**tall boye:** NOTHING WE AREN'T IN THE LUSH BEHIND YOU

**satansoo:** YOU ACTUAL DUMBASS WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT

**dog enthusiast:** we aren't even doing anything? we're just looking at stuff

**jonggay:** Suspicion™

**baekkie:** definitely just looking at things, jongin

**baekkie:** i saw

**mystical space dad kris wu:** oh are the kids on a date?

**baby:** nO

**dog enthusiast:** sehun and i? dating? definitely not

**baby:** yeah...

**baby:** why would we date?

**mystical space dad kris wu:** ...

**mystical space dad kris wu:** wow you guys are so dumb

**dog enthusiast:** ???

**mystical space dad kris wu:** whatever i'm leaving 

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** oh hi jongin and sehun

**tall boye:** OH NO HE'S HERE

**tall boye:** S C A T T E R

**dog enthusiast:** hi hyung~

**baby:** i don't think i've ever seen them run that fast

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:**  i don't think i have either

**baekkie:**  jongdae where are you

**jonggay:**  i'm literally sitting right next to you

**jonggay:**  i just gave him a mini heart attack

**baekkie:**  if we get out of here alive will you kiss me

**tall boye:**  ...

**jonggay:** uhh

**baekkie:**  FUCK HE'S SEEN US

**jonggay:**  AAAAAAAAA

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:**  oh my god you two get back here 

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** jongdae has stopped... why

**jonggay:** umm baekhyun stop running

**baekkie:**  NO I'M RUNNING AWAY FROM MY PROBLEMS

**jonggay:** hyung get back here

**baekkie:**  B Y E

**tall boye:** whats going on

**satansoo:** Yeah what did you two idiots do?

**tall boye:**  aw :( the punctuation is back

**jonggay:**  baekhyun and i have a lot to talk about when we get home

**baekkie:**  NOT IF YOU CAN'T CATCH ME

**baekkie:** oh i've hit a dead end

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:**  jongdae come here and get the keys and wait in the car while i find kyungsoo and chanyeol

**jonggay:**  just throw them

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** no

**jonggay:** ughhhhhh

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:**  alright chanyeol and kyungsoo where are you

**tall boye:**  kyungsoo was literally just with me and now he's gone

**satansoo:**  Later, bitch.

**tall boye:** KYUNGSOO I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME :,,,,,,(((((

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** disowned

**tall boye:** ::::,,,,((((

**satansoo:**  Junmyeon hyung, I'm in the car with the idiots if you want to leave Chanyeol in there.

**jonggay:** wait when the hell did you get here

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:**  language

**jonggay:** hecc

**satansoo:** You're lucky I'm in the backseat otherwise I'd have killed you.

**satansoo:**  Also I literally just opened the door and sat down while you were sulking.

**jonggay:** IM NOT SULKING

**satansoo:** Whatever you say, darling.

**mystical space dad kris wu:**  ...

**mystical space dad kris wu:** did i just have a stroke or did kyungsoo call jongdae 'darling'

**jonggay:** awwww~~~

**satansoo:** Don't.

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** alright i've found chanyeol we're going home now

**satansoo:** Finally. Maybe these two can stop pretending the sexual tension doesn't exist.

**baekkie:** WHAT SEXUAL TENSION

**satansoo:** Junmyeon hyung please get here as soon as possible before I kill these two.

**mystical space dad kris wu:** baekhyun i can feel the sexual tension from here

**baekkie:**  can't feel what doesn't exist

**mystical space dad kris wu:**  totally

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** okay off the phones in the car because we're going to socialise like normal people

**satansoo:** None of us are normal.

**mystical space mum kim junmyeon:** we can try 

**satansoo:** Fine.

**mystical space dad kris wu:** rip baekhyun, who can't be off his phone for more than thirty seconds without having a stroke

**baekkie:**  shh

**mystical space dad kris wu:** i'll give you $50 for each day you aren't on your phone in a row

**baekkie:** $75

**mystical space dad kris wu:**  deal

**baekkie:** starting

**baekkie:** now

**satansoo:**  I'll keep you updated, hyung.

**mystical space dad kris wu:**  cool

**>. <**

**tall boye:**  it appears that we may or may not have accidentally stolen something from lush

**minsock:**  you what now?

**tall boye:**  accidentally stole something from lush

**minsock:** how

**minsock:** actually i don't think i want to know

**tall boye:** should we go back and return it

**satansoo:**  I just walked into the bathroom and, unless you can return an empty tub, no.

**minsock:**  how is it already empty

**satansoo:**  Well there are eight of us.

**tall boye:**  it's been less than a day

**satansoo:**  And guess who uses too much body scrub in one go?

**tall boye:** that kid is going to die

**minsock:**  please don't kill sehun

**tall boye:**  too late i've already got a straw

**minsock:**  a straw??

**tall boye:**  i can't kill him so instead i'll just mildly inconvenience him

**satansoo:**  Thanks for the idea.

**tall boye:**  whoops

**minsock:**  well done chanyeol, you've doomed us all

**tall boye:**  no ragrets


	4. gay for ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh look i updated what a fucking miracle

**yixing protection squad**

**^.^:** hey can you guys help with something

 **mystical space dad kris wu:** what up

 **jonggay:**???

 **gucci:** what is it??

 **blow it like flu~:** yo

 **minsock:** what's wrong yixing?

 **^.^:** that was strange

 **jonggay:** we're all here to help  <333

 **^.^:** awww~ @^ェ^@

 **gucci:** is that...

 **gucci:** is that a sheep

 **^.^:** yeah

 **mystical space dad kris wu:** it's adorable

 **jonggay:** just like you, hyung~

 **mystical space dad kris wu:** are you saying that to yixing or me??

 **jonggay:** not you

 **mystical space dad kris wu:** wow why would you betray me like this jongdae

 **mystical space dad kris wu:** i thought we had something

 **jonggay:** you thought wrong

 **minsock:** ...

 **minsock:** anyway

 **minsock:** yixing, what do you need???

 **^.^:** i've forgotten now

 **^.^:** whoops

 **^.^:** WAIT NO I REMEMBER

 **^.^:** i'm gay

 **mystical space dad kris wu:** you're pan but okay

 **blow it like flu~:** how can we help you with that??

 **^.^:** ten ruined me

 **jonggay:** oh ya same

 **minsock:** i've been listening to new heroes since 1735

 **gucci:** .... ?????

 **gucci:** hold on

**^.^ has changed their nickname to GAY FOR TEN**

**GAY FOR TEN:** i return

 **gucci:** A MOOD

 **gucci:** I LOVE HIM

 **jonggay:** the question is

 **jonggay:** yixing hyung

 **jonggay:** have you seen the dance practice

 **GAY FOR TEN:** WHAT KIND OF A QUESTION IS THAT

 **minsock:** i'll take that as a yes

 **mystical space dad kris wu:** ten is dad approved™

 **gucci:** don't call yourself dad please

 **mystical space dad kris wu:** grounded

 **blow it like flu~:** oooOOoOOOOOoOooOO

 **mystical space dad kris wu:** you're grounded too

 **blow it like flu~:** aww :((((

 **minsock:** well then

 **GAY FOR TEN:** that was strange

 **GAY FOR TEN:** anyway someone tell ten that i love him please and thank you

 **minsock:** i'll text him

 **jonggay:** don't bother i'm in his practice room now

 **jonggay:** "why the fuck did you just burst into the practice room like someone's trying to kill you, because you know we aren't going to save you if it's kyungsoo" - mark lee 2k18

 **GAY FOR TEN:** hey dae can you give me lucas's phone number pls

 **gucci:** why

 **mystical space dad kris wu:** i'm saying why as well but only to the 'pls'

 **blow it like flu~:** because yixing can do whatever he wants

 **blow it like flu~:** he is exempt from the law

 **minsock:** ^

 **GAY FOR TEN:** thanks guys ^•^

 **GAY FOR TEN:** also because i'm slowly accumulating various chinese band members and artists and putting them into one chat

 **gucci:** WHAT

 **GAY FOR TEN:** it has also occurred to me that none of the chinese members in this chat are in the group chat whoops

 **mystical space dad kris wu:** Top 10 Anime Betrayals

 **jonggay:** alright who the fuck taught you that

 **mystical space dad kris wu:** a friend of a friend named mingyu who almost broke a group chat by sending 100+ photos to a chat i was just added to

 **GAY FOR TEN:** what

 **GAY FOR TEN:** also @ everyone except dae and minseok hyung i added you to the chat

 **gucci:** thank you

 **gucci:** update: i said hello and at least three people with the same name as me just yelled 'imPOSTER IMPOSTER' and now i'm no longer in the chat

 **jonggay:** rip tao

 **gucci:** >:(

 **jonggay:** also yixing hyung ten says 'thanks tell yixing i love him as well'

 **GAY FOR TEN:**  <3333333

 **mystical space dad kris wu:** get that gay shit out of our good christian chat

 **minsock:** ...

 **minsock:** have you seen lu han's name recently because this is anything but a 'good christian chat'

 **mystical space dad kris wu:** wow rude

 **mystical space dad kris wu:** fuck y'all i'm going back to my other friends

 **mystical space dad kris wu:** when junhui adds me back into the chat lmao hold on

 **blow it like flu~:** you have other friends?

 **mystical space dad kris wu:** fuck you lu han

 **blow it like flu~:** <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's pretty short whoops but it's better than nothing i guess


End file.
